| Some dogs are... |
|
Catholick
|
These are
recognizable by their
desire to greet you with their tongues.
Because these dogs tend to wander far and wide, they are also known as Roamin' Catholicks. |
| Anglickin'
|
These are British
dogs otherwise
quite similar to Catholicks
.
They also share certain core beliefs with Evangelickals. |
| Eastern Arfodogs
|
These are mainly
Eastern
European breeds that bark in languages nobody has ever heard of.
|
| Chewish |
To exercise their
jaws, a diet
of foods particularly resistant to mastication is recommended--e.g.,
bagels.
|
| Muzzle'im
|
These dogs may need
to be
restrained owing to their tendency to bite at
the least provocation. They follow the monocanistic belief that there
is one Dog, Fala, and Franklin D. Roosevelt is his master. |
| Wooferans
|
These can be quite
vocal. |
| Meadowthist
|
You know you are
dealing with a Meadowthist
when you try to get him
to
come inside. Otherwise, however, these canines will tolerate just about
anything. |
| Frisbyterian
|
These are unusually
adept at
catching flying disc-shaped objects. They
believe that when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can't
get it down. [Attributed to Alice Cooper]
|
| Bathtist
|
These live mainly
in the
American South; they like to get wet and then
shake water over everything in sight. This is referred to as bathtism
by sprinkling, although at times it can amount to total immersion.
|
| Bone
Again
|
These are so
committed to
tradition that they will keep gnawing and
worrying the same old bones over and over, even if fresh food is placed
right under their noses. They already have everything they
need.
[Thanks, Jeanne Nicole]
|
| Doormons
|
A Doormon believes in
making sure all
visitors are loudly and properly announced. Doormons are often
found in Utah. |
| Achoovah's
Wetnesses
|
Don't get in the
way of one of
these when it sneezes! |
| Pisscopalians
|
These dogs leave
their mark on
everything they see; your dog may be Pisscopalian if you
find
yourself spending an inordinate amount of time
in front of fire hydrants. So-called because their religious
affiliation originates with dog breeder Joe Pisscopo.
|
| Doodists
|
Pooper scoopers
particularly
necessary here. |
| Indoo
|
This usually
results from
following too closely behind Doodists. |
| Hairy
Cushiona
|
These dogs are so
named because
of their tendency to leave hair behind
on the mats upon which they sleep, as well as on every other surface
with which they come into contact. As a result, the dogs themselves are
left quite bald, which accounts for their proclivity to dress
themselves in saffron robes and wail. |
| Confusion
|
These are mainly
Asian breeds
that are particularly indecisive. |
| Agnawstick
|
No need to provide
any special
chew toys, as they won't know one way or the other. |
| Atetheist
|
Highly dangerous,
these attack
and devour anything and anyone
religious. Mail carriers are particularly at risk because the dogs
often confuse their uniforms with religious garb. |
|
|
